On my Way

Hey so I haven't written much in the last couple of years. Sincerely, I have forgotten for the most part to write in this as a journal. So fast forward in the years that have passed. I believe I have loved and lived a well life. Not to mention I am now an adult yes an adult with responsibilities and everything and if your one of those oh boy good luck because it isn't as easy as they make it seem in the movies and everything. To be honest not everything is pink and rosy as mentioned I it gets worse as an adult. The most consolation I have for you is that it's seemingly easier to go out and travel. Going back during the years that I haven't written to you let me summarize it. Firstly, I have had many flings since boyfriends, at least before choosing to stay somewhat committed. Some flings were hot like crazy hot and the way they would hold me was amazing. I mean as amazing as it can be for a fling. However, I needed then something more than that so as the months went by I searched for a somewhat serious relationship. I found it with A BOY that I believed was going to make me happy, and for moment he did he made me the most amazing women in the world. Made me feel lucky, although as they say it seems to pretty to be true. Well turns out it was because I lost myself in this relationship I wasn't me. I ended up being the girl he wanted me to be. The one he desired and he got upset I ended up apologizing. Or dropping the questions. I was his support system even if he was never mine. But even though he did many similar things during the time being nobody had treated me like he had. He asked me to go out with him in such little time and because I liked him  I decided to say yes. One of the most learnable moments in my life during more than a year I lost who I was. I wasn't even me the person that was feisty and would get angry, laugh, cry an enjoy the things she loved the most. I was this person that he had made me the person he wanted. If he asked I felt the need to please his desire and it wasn't because I owed him anything, but it sure felt that way. As if being his girl gave the right to choose who I was going to be. Where I could be and at which times. But Also it made me possessive over a person that wasn't mine anymore over time a person that wanted me not for I as but for the sacrifices I would make for him. Everything seemed out of hand. If I was dressed or said something that wasn't fit then I knew how he would feel. I made every decision based on his choices and in the end that wasn't good enough for him. He still left a women for a stupid choice and mentality that we would be okay. The truth is I expected him to wank away after 3 months which he wanted but was left no choice.